www.youtube.com/watch

Course or Conditional Offer.

A slightly damp morning out on the Raleigh electric around the lanes. There was just enough surface water to pray upon my OCD mind throughout the hour and fifteen minutes or so. Mmmm - that’s going to need at least ten minutes of cleaning the bicycle back at base.

As ever, time and tide were tight. I had a work shift mid-morning. This meant time trialling it around the Bobby George BONER route. BALLS to OCD cleanliness and splashing. Just don’t be late for work. The sacrifices I have to make these days…

Climbing Tenpenny Hill was the usual motorist dickhead nightmare. Sunday morning has more traffic than any midweek commute. It’s a consequence of the Brightlingsea One Road In, One Road Out mentality. Only two closes passes were captured, ready to be shared with Essex Police later in the day.

Chapeau!

And I wasn’t late for work.

THREE pairs of tights were needed for the New Year’s Eve roll out. We started off with the temperature barely above freezing. The dial didn’t move when we headed back to base a couple of hours later.

Brrrrr. That was a bloody cold one.

We played it safe with the tried and tested Bobby George BONER route. I know every kerbside, pothole and potential danger spot inside out. I wasn’t taking any risks on New Year’s Eve.

That still didn’t stop FOUR dickhead motorists from deciding to close pass us. On NYE ffs. It’s not so much the danger that it puts us in; it’s the bloody pain of uploading four separate video clips to Essex Police each time.

But I am a persistent bugger, if nothing else. If you close pass me, I’ll dob you in to the police. I see it as my duty to try and stop you from intimidating other cyclists. So there. Happy bloody New Year, etc.

The rest of the ride was pretty uneventful. We passed some road kill by the side of the road. I think it was a fox. Poor thing. Betcha he didn’t have an on board video cam.

An optimistic ice cream van was trying to conjure up some NYE trade towards the Sunny Colch end approach of the ride. Good luck with that one, fella. We pressed on to Lidl and stocked up with some cheapo cheese instead.

Chapeau!

An extra layer of clothing was needed for the Boxing Day morning bicycle ride. Having frozen my bollocks off on Christmas Day, I wisely reached for the Long Johns for my Boxing Day comfort blanket. I needed them as well.

It wasn’t so much the temperature change, but more the windchill. Christ, it was biting out there this morning. It was no surprise to see that I shaved three minutes off the exact same route as yesterday. The wheel that turns is the wheel that burns, etc.

It was otherwise an uneventful roll out. I’m still crocked from running with a calf strain. That shows no sign of healing anytime soon. Hey Hoe. Run Every Day in January looks like it ain’t happening this year.

The Boxing Day traffic had picked up from Christmas Day. Travellers were busy going to wherever they needed to be at 9am. Each to their own, but I was just happy to be out on my bicycle.

A bitterly cold bicycle ride for Christmas Day morning. I was dressed not to impress with five layers. Two of these were industrial ex-army military wear. It wasn’t your average pro-rider look.

The roads were empty for the first half hour or so as we headed out on the usual Bobby George BONER route. We passed a couple of kids trying out their Christmas Day electric scooters. Riding, wheeling, walking - it’s all active travel, innit.

Blue skies were up above, as well as an Estuary Wilds sun that refused to offer up any warmth. Cheers, Estuary Wilds sun. I was determined to make the most of the dry roads, given the wet weather in recent weeks.

I cut short the 35km route by around 5km with a shortcut around some farm lanes. I didn’t warm up once throughout the ride.

It’s rare for me to ride on Christmas Day. I am scared shitless of puncturing. Thankfully no mechanical incidents this morning. I even let off a couple of close passing cars that were contenders to be uploaded to the Essex Police portal of shame.

Chapeau!

Hey! Let’s for a bicycle ride! On a bloody cold November lunchtime with the potential for black ice on the roads!

This wasn’t the wisest of moves. But I had a spare couple of hours, and there was blue sky up above.

I’ve been pretty much trapped in Weird Wiv over the past fortnight. All roads in, and all roads out have been closed for various roadworks.

That’s an exaggeration, obvs. But it has been a right bloody pain to plot a circular route with constant road closures.

I wasn’t entirely sure that I had a clear run in front of me. I decided to chance my luck.

Five minutes in and I was dismounting and pushing the Raleigh electric around a blockade of roadworks.

Arse.

I was already bloody cold, and didn’t really warm up for the next hour and a half or so.

I headed out around the lame Bobby George BONER of a route. It’s a not very challenging 30km or so circuit. It was the first time I have ridden these lanes in over a month.

Nothing had changed, natch.

The highlight was catching some local kids at Alresford receiving some road training on their bicycles.

I believe the children are our future, etc.

Chapeau!

I’m still bloody cold as I type.

Muddy Hell at Herne Hill Velo was a hell of a lot of fun.

It was a Halloween themed Cyclo X ride, that was slightly out of season, taking place a week or so after All Hallows' Eve.

The cycling calendar tends to get a little congested.

Muddy Hell however proved be anything but. The rather seasonal weather meant that the cross country parts of the circuit were rather dry.

Boo, hiss, etc.

The sizeable crowd had only come along to see riders come tumbling down, right?

The course was a mixture of some track riding, a large ramp, some bunny hop hurdles through a tent, and then the back of the Velo cross-country style.

It looked challenging during the fading light for the youth race; come darkness when the big boys and girls came out to race, and rather you than me.

The kids were great. This wasn’t so much about winning, but enjoying the track and surrounds in fancy dress.

With darkness descending around Herne Hill, the Best Costume race for the adults followed.

There was some ACE efforts. Shout out to Action Man, ET and the dude in a blow up dinosaur costume - who I think had to abandon after it became clear that his costume wasn’t compatible with cycling?

A full on proper race followed. Apologies, but time was tight for me and I couldn’t hang around.

I bloody love le Velo and all that it has grown to become in the past ten years or so.

I ride to work year round. Here are my top tips for making it actually enjoyable through the gloomy months ahead

Physical separation between cyclists, pedestrians and motorists key to safer streets, research shows No shit.