I returned to cycling around the bloody Estuary Wilds early on Sunday morning. This was my first time back rolling out on a pair of large wheels. Various household shit going off has blocked access to my bikes. Finally an end is in sight.

Have large wheel bike, will travel.

Chapeau!

We pumped up some air in the roadies and started to live out our pro-rider cycling dreams. We’ve all done that, right?

The route over towards the Suffolk side of our patch has been blocked for the past year or so. Blame the bloody Garden Village.

A quick shifty on the Essex County Council live traffic website the night before revealed that the country lane, which now crosses over a new link road to nowhere, should be open once again. What could possibly go wrong?

We reached the junction where we would normally keep on cycling down a country lane and head out towards the middle of bloody nowhere. I’m really surprised with the speed it has taken to complete the new road.

I think it was officially open although it was hard to tell with the very low level of Sunday morning traffic.

As well as appearing out of nowhere, I think the road leads to nowhere. My online snooping last night suggests there is still some more work to do and it comes to a dead stop.

I found it really hard to get my bearings. Basically the new road has been built right over the top of the small country lane that we use as our escape route. Rather helpfully there were some cycle crossings across the main road.

Logic told me that the crossing would bring me back to the other side of my lane. I reached the other side of the A road but still found it hard to get my bearings. Around a minute or so later and I was back on track.

It might have been a new road but there was the same old mattresses being dumped. I also had a bit of a run-in with a dickhead van driver who took offence to me at riding a bike on a Sunday morning. I took offence to him being a dickhead van driver.

Finally we reached freedom and some rolling country lanes. The fields looked like autumn but the weather felt like mid-June. We’re completely fucked when it comes to the climate.

A couple of hills were climbed. It felt good once again to be cleated in and dancing on my pedals. I’ve still got it Comrades, I’ve still got it.

Destination Dedham was reached. We stopped for a brief drink and then carried on around some of the other quiet lanes.

There was a sign in one straw field with a large sign saying: Don’t be a tosser. It’s all about not discarding fag ends innit.

A bit of a round circuit was reached and we crossed over the new A road and were heading back to base. Some fella sped past us in the opposite direction with a pair of time trial handlebars. Good effort.

We were back home in time for the bloody church bells to get right on my tits.

I took the iScooter U4 out for its proper real test today as part of a combined trip to Home Bargains, Lidl, and then a swim. LIVE the dream, Jace.

Having been mildly impressed with the new bicycle yesterday, I’m now on a bit of a downer with it. Put simply it’s a bit pants. You pay for what you get, etc.

Power assist one and power assist two are completely useless. They are capped at 10 and 15 km per hour. I can actually cycle faster with the motor turned off.

The top power assist level 3, however, is a different matter. Hit that mode and VROOM, you’re flying! You’re actually flying a little too fast. My legs couldn’t keep up with the speed at which the motor was being rotated.

The route into the gym was half decent irrespective of the bicycle. Whitehall Road has been resurfaced in the past week and now rides like a dream; that’s a dream apart from the usual dickhead motorists who seem to treat this particular stretch of Sunny Colch as a close-pass paradise.

It was also particularly windy. Rowing had already been cancelled for the morning. I was pleased to have power assist three to take me up Whitehall Road, despite he pace it chose to transport me.

I rocked up at the gym. It’s been closed for the past few days with a complete refit of the main gym space. It looks pretty impressive. I skipped it all and headed straight for the pool.

This was my first swim after a week away. I felt strong. Once again the spin dryer in the gents had been removed for repairs. Fancy gym equipment, same old shitty spin dryer.

I really need to get my head around the iScooter U4. I’m pondering a return.

And so I finally got round to road testing the new iScooter U4 that arrived on Wednesday. Having spent a couple of hours setting it up with the various extra build that was required, I was a little unsure that my mechanical skills would allow me a safe passage.

It pissed it down in the Estuary Wilds yesterday. It wasn’t exactly great conditions for road testing a new electric bike. I had bright sunshine early in the evening on Friday. This was perfect to go rolling out. Chapeau!

First thoughts: Woh! This is a bloody heavy beast of a bike. I kinda knew that anyway. The specs say 26 kg. The Raleigh electrics with their big wheels are only slightly heavier at 27 kg. Side by side they look like a boxing mismatch between a heavyweight and a featherweight, except the featherweight is something of a lard arse.

I experimented with the various assist modes as I made my way out of town, past the university and down to the Hythe. My first thoughts are that assist mode 1 and 2 are pants. I couldn’t feel any extra boost. I’m not entirely convinced that there isn’t an issue with the bike.

But switch up to assist mode 3 and shit the bed! Here’s where the real pace kicks in. The only issue is that it’s a single-speed bike and it’s difficult to keep up with a pedalling pace when you reach the top speed, which is capped at 25 km/h.

I did fit the throttle to the bike. This opens up a whole new world. I climbed up Boundary Road without pedalling in throttle mode only.

It always takes a while to get used to any new bicycle set-up. The iScooter U4 may be something of a steep learning curve.

From the test ride my observations are that this is basically a slightly inferior moped. Once you get over the shame of using the throttle and not pedalling, it could actually be a very decent run around for trips in and out of town.

A pair of panniers also arrived this morning. They have been fitted and fit perfectly. I think I need to view this bike as purely an A to B for short distances with panniers packed up with cheapo Lidl booze.

And so New Bike Day arrived. New Bike Day is the best day.

It was perfect weather conditions for a New Bike Say as well. That’s perfect weather conditions if you don’t plan to ride the New Bike.

It was ideal in that I had to stay in waiting for Mr Delivery Man. He came during a torrential downpour. Now would be a good time to unpack and start to build.

Oh dear. Here’s where the fun starts. I was aware that my purchase of an iScooter U4 didn’t come completely assembled. I have zero mechanical bike skills. All I needed was a clear head, a cup of tea, and an extra strong pair of reading glasses.

Around two hours later I finally emerged triumphant. It wasn’t that technical but if you get the odd slight thing wrong here and there, you could find yourself descending at 40 kmh and something falls off that shouldn’t be falling off.

The first thing I did was to take out the battery and charge it. It was already fully charged. That was a good sign.

Next up was the bike stem. That was simple enough. The most tricky part was attaching the new front wheel and getting it aligned correctly with the disc brakes. I surprised myself at the ease in which I achieved this.

I fiddled around getting the OCD perfection of the bike bell and the throttle installed exactly where I want them. The finishing touch was the seat and the pedals. They were a piece of piss to be honest.

Now I’ve got a fully assembled New Bike. It looks the absolute bollocks. I’m not sure how it will ride but that’s not really the point, as long as it looks good.

Chapeau!

I gave in and finally bought another bicycle. Don’t buy another bicycle, Jase. DON’T BUY ANOTHER BICYCLE! Oh dear. I only went and bought another bloody bicycle. Chapeau!

And so I’m now awaiting delivery of a budget iScooter U4. It’s a foldable, cheap as chips electric bike. But of course I don’t need it. But as ever, n+1.

I’m losing count of what n currently represents. I’ve gone through the calculations in my head and thought about where my various bicycles are located. I’ve come to the conclusion that n currently represents 9.

Where to store the U4 was the main stumbling block. It sat in my online cart for a few days, as I spent some time pondering a solution.

I think I’ve come up with a possible workaround. If all else fails, then I could do the dirty and reduce the bicycle count. I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve got bicycles locked away that haven’t seen any action in over a year.

That’s not really the point though, is it?

All the online reviews for the U4 paint a picture of a very functional and affordable workhorse. I will probably use it for getting around Sunny Colch and my increasingly frequent trips to Lidl.

Some self-assembly is needed for the. This worries me. There’s also limited options in terms of gears. Put bluntly, there aren’t any. It’s a fixed wheel bicycle where the only option in terms of speed is to choose which electric mode you want.

And yes, I am aware that I’ve become something of a hoarder of bicycles, CDs and G Force clothing.

The summer cycling season has started early for me. After the downpour days of the first three months of the year, the Estuary Wilds has been dry throughout April. It reminds me very much of those first CRAZED days of Covid.

I rolled out mid-morning on the Brompton. I’m really enjoying riding the mini-wheeler right now. It’s not really built for rides of 35km plus. But fuck it. It feels light and free, and is most agile when tackling the Estuary Wilds lanes.

The scenery around me was equally enjoyable. There is a lush green canopy covering the lanes, as well the early signs of growth throughout the fields. The lanes were empty, the Brompton was on a roll.

Chapeau!

I had plans to cycle off to Lidl to cash in my Thursday Lidl app cheapo coupons. But the Estuary Wilds sun was bloody lush. It was too good an opportunity to resist a bicycle ride, on the Brompton, natch. Abandon Lidl! Let’s roll out along the lanes instead.

I managed to avoid rush-hour - although every hour seems to be rush-hour around these parts of late. Tenpenny Hill was fine. A dickhead then close-passed me on the approach towards Thorrington. Fast forward 24 hours later, and Essex Police had already put the driver on a course. Job’s a good ‘un.

Some pretty fierce crosswinds hit me as I ventured further out into the great unknown. Random Church bells were ringing - odd for mid-afternoon on a Thursday. They weren’t the Bells of Doom, either.

A decent ride. I even ended up at Lidl. You can take the man out of Lidl, etc. Chapeau!

A Sunday morning gentle roll out on the Brompton to kick start the day. It’s been a while since I last treated the mini-wheeler to a ride around the Estuary Wilds lanes. Logistics has meant that the Brompton is my current - and only - ride of choice. Scaffolding back at base has imprisoned the other bicycles, blocking off the back passage.

Hey hoe. I knew there was a reason as to why I held on to the Brompton, despite limited commuting opportunities these days. It’s such a pure, unrestricted ride. I may only have two gears, but I didn’t feel like I needed any more throughout the 25km loop. The Brompton rides beautifully.

I also enjoyed the freedom of riding a Brompton with no luggage. Over the past fifteen years or so, I have used the Brompton whilst balancing my back and forth lifestyle between S Ldn and the Estuary Wilds. Half my life has been transported during each journey, with front and rear bags carrying life’s essentials (MacBooks, cameras, cheapo Lidl BOOZE.) Not so today.

It was a little chilly shortly after 9am. I needed the three layers to get me around the route. There had also been some unexpected overnight rain. Not so much of a surprise was the succession of close pass dickheads. I clocked half a dozen. Sadly I didn’t have my camera mount on the Brompton to capture them.

I decided to focus on more pleasant aspects of the ride: the bluebells still going strong along the verges, the very dignified tourer rider who was laden down with four bags on his bicycle; the squirrel who chanced his luck and almost made an ill-advised bolt to dive through my Brompton spokes.

I’d forgotten how much the Brompton can be. Maybe I should keep it as the default bicycle of choice over the summer months?

Another BEAUT of a spring day, another bicycle ride. I had an errand in dropping off a parcel with the well known courier company, where the only collection point is on the other side of Sunny Colch. Arse.

Hey! Let’s build a circular bicycle ride into this as well. The route fitted in rather well with the Abberton Reservoir run. It’s rare that I get over to this side of town these days. Double bubble fun.

The fresh spring air was heavy with something a little stronger as I approached Old Heath. The stench of strong weed triggered exotic S Ldn vibes. Soon I hit the countryside lanes. The Mary Jane smell morphed into manure.

The Spot of the Day was the new sign for Fingringhoe. Stop sniggering. The previous Welcome to Fingringhoe signs never lasted long. I wonder why… Locals have now come up with the rather clever idea of a Fingringhoe stone. You try half-inching that.

I reached the local cricket club at [Gawd knows where]. A lone groundsmen was busy making last minute preparations for the season ahead. This is always a good sign.

I had to pull over 15km or so in. A layer was lost, along with the cycling gloves. Phew, Wot a Scorcher, etc. Make the most of these Golden Days.

A return to rolling out with the Colchester Cycle UK crowd early on Sunday morning. Woh - I’ve missed those guys. It’s been a few years since I’ve managed any consistent run of Sunday cycling club runs. Work has got in the way, meaning that I’ve missed out on the weekly rides to Gawd Knows Where.

I did check the route briefly before the 8:45am Leisure World meet up. Assington was the first coffee point check. Nope, me neither.

We had a vicious head wind once we had left Britain’s Oldest recorded; actually we had a vicious tail wind and a vicious cross wind. The arse end of Storm Dave was blowing out around the fringes of Sunny Colch.

Runners and riders were everywhere. We also came across a number of cycle tourists, with their impressive bar and frame bags as they made their way around the lanes.

I stuck close to the ride leader. I even picked up some new hand signals. We’re not talking the five-fingered shuffle, although the cyclist hand gesture for gravel ahead did have me giggling to myself.

The Barn at Assington was reached. Morning coffee was taken as we met up with some other riders. There was little appetite, so to speak, for a continuation on to a luncheon venue. A new route was plotted back to Sunny Colch.

Chapeau!