Woh. Where to start with this one? We were led to believe before KO that Sunderland’s Dutch ‘keeper Roefs was half decent. He wasn’t. Forest were relentless in the first half, and then shut up shop in the second. Jame Redknapp described this as “the performance of the season” over on Sky. For once I agree with what some of the mainstream talking heads come out with.

I lost track of the first half goals tbh. I tried to track them and keep pace with my BOOZE. Points, first pints later, yeah? But at 4-0 up at HT, there was never any real danger that Forest would mess up. It was more likely that my own BOOZE situation might create a little mess.

Finally we seem to have mastered the art of set pieces. It’s only taken four years in the PL to work this one out. MGW was magnificent once again. I can’t see how he can continue to be ignored when it comes to the World Cup squad selection.

The fifth and final goal for Anderson was a special moment. The Geordie boy scoring against Sunderland probably meant all the more to him than it did to the Forest fans. It was a touching moment after what has been tough personal patch for him.

You know something special is happening when the telly cameras focus in on the scoreboard in the ground, with 5-0 illuminated in bright LED. It’s a symbolic image of what has been achieved, without the expectation of such a battering. There’s an incredible stat that 20% of Forest’s PL goals this season have been scored in the past two matches. Yep, it’s been that kinda season.

Are we safe from relegation? The brains behind the OPTA super computer thingy seem to think so. Never trust an algorithm, Comrades. A lot will depend on the #lolspurs and West Ham results later this weekend. I can’t see either of them catching us if they fail to pick up three points. All focus can then turn towards Europe.

And so farewell Leicester City. Piss off back to the old Third Division where you belong. Harsh? Yep. But you try living for a year or so in the City of Death and not coming out of the whole experience feeling slightly unhinged.

Leicester are a club that deserves to be relegated. Careful what you wish for, etc. At the end of the we always win, and all that. But the club itself has been a disgrace over the past three seasons or so.

I admit to being caught up in the PL winning love in team of a decade ago. You always like to see the underdog win. The 2015/16 team was a side that you couldn’t but help admire. Come back and have a conversation when you have won two European Cups though.

Since winning the FA Cup five years later, the club has had a shocker, on and off the pitch. Some pretty tragic personal circumstances didn’t help. But that’s no excuse for the mismanagement that followed.

The way the fans and players treated Steve Cooper was poor. It may not have been the wisest decision by Cooper to head off down the Fosse. But posing for photos with signs saying they miss their old manager wasn’t a classy look.

Then there was the PL PSR dodge. Suck it up, fellas. Forest had to in the PL. We managed to overcome this and survive. Some creative accountancy at Leicester allowed them to carry it down to the Championship.

The relegation from the Championship to the third tier is all the more sweeter, knowing that the delayed points deduction has pretty much finished them off.

And do farewell Leicester City. Shame about the Derby play-off push as well.

A frustrating first half. You don’t say. Burnley rocked up at the World Famous with the game plan of boring the arse off everyone watching. This included their travelling fans. Slow hadn’t clap for Burnley. Bugger off back to the Championship please, and never come back.

The first 45 minutes felt more like a pre-season than a potential relegation decider. The injury to Murillo was a worry. And then just before HT - oh ffs Forest. Conceding a goal at home just ahead of the break is SO Forest. The crowd fell flat. The players headed back down the tunnel with much work to do.

I’m not sure what Pereira said back in the dressing room, but BLOODY HELL. His tactical change of playing Jesus alongside Chris Wood was a little left field. Switching MGW out to play in what appeared to be a wide No. 10 role seems to have invented a whole new position in tactical formations.

OK - here we go: Hands in the Ear hashtag, multiplied by three. A fifteen minute hat trick for MGW was quite incredible. It had nothing to do with Burnley being bobbins. The pick of the bunch was the header from outside the penalty box. SHOUT OUT Ryan Yates for a bloody decent delivery.

Which all means that MGW is now our top scorer this season across all competitions. There’s all the more irony in that his hat trick today puts #lolspurs in deep, deep shit. At the end of the day, we always win, etc.

This has far from been a fun season for Forest. But when it clicks, it’s a joy to be a Forest fan. This week is a case in point, with a major European semi-final to look forward to, and the team edging ever closer to PL history. I hope anybody’s not stupid enough to write us off.

Never judge a book… But I bailed before even giving this metal shit a listen. Not music.

⭐

Another CMR written on the fly, no notes, just a hazy hungover rambling of what went off the night before. SHIT THE BED. We’re in a chuffing major European semi-final. How did that happen? I didn’t shit the bed btw.

You need some perspective here. Sure, I watched Forest win European Cups back in the day. The memories there are also hazy. I wasn’t BOOZING it at the World Famous back in 1979 as a nine year-old, but yep, I was there.

The 1984 UEFA Cup run passed me by. I was too busy drinking shandy (spot the theme) and skanking to The Specials at the local Youth Club.

A major regret is passing by with the 1996 UEFA Cup run.

“One team in Europe, there’s only one team in Europe!”

…was the cry when we were the last English team standing when we reached the quarter-finals. I had given up my Trent End season ticket the year before, with a new life in S Ldn about to begin. Plus I was broke, and so I couldn’t afford fancy foreign travel.

And here we are, thirty years later, and we’ve only gone one step further. This time I feel different. I have no desire to follow Forest home and away - even if that means, erm, Villa Park. I’m happy with a TNT subscription and some cheapo Lidl BOOZE.

But that doesn’t take away what took place last night, and how I personally feel about the achievement. This was Forest playing to an international audience, home and abroad. It was our chance to prove to everyone that those horrid, horrid Championship relegation battles are behind us.

OK, so it wasn’t quite the masterclass performance. But if I try and think back to 1979 - or even load up YT highlights - then even BC knew that getting over the line by any means necessary was what’s needed to get the job done.

We went strong with the team selection. You sense that the Big Fat Greek (who appears to be AWOL over recent weeks?) must have had a quiet word with Pereira about shifting priorities.

The Anderson news ahead of KO was awful. I don’t know the personal details, but for his Mum now not to be able to see him become the likely star of the World Cup over the summer is so, so sad.

I was concerned that Wood was starting. Jesus is our man in Europe, with Wood hopefully held back to do a demolition job on Burnley on Sunday. But nope, there he was, leading the line.

OUCH! Oh no! I thought the early injury to Wood was on the same knee that has kept him out for six months. Thankfully (I think?) it was the other knee. Given the choice, I would rather play eleven men of Porto and have kept Wood fit.

The game changed on the early sending off. Forest controlled the first half, especially in midfield where MGW went unmarked for forty five minutes. The only surprise was that we only had the one goal lead taking us into the break.

Porto made the necessary tactical changes after the break. This felt more like a balanced game. We rode our luck. The City Ground crowd responded. This felt like the Sheff Utd semi-final all over again.

More injuries. uh-oh. But with a major European semi now within touching distance, you’d probably take this if it meant Rocking All Over the World would be heard at the final whistle. It’s only Burnley at the weekend…

Some decent game management saw us over the line at the end. It shouldn’t have been such a nervous watch with the one man advantage. But we’re there, all set for another Euro jolly away at, erm, Birmingham.

I’ll stick with TNT, ta.

Confession: I watched this game on delay, having been out at the basketball all afternoon. It was a bloody miracle that I managed to avoid the scoreline. My iPhone has a self-imposed ban for around three hours. I quite enjoyed the silence.

I did start the playback knowing the #lolspurs scoreline, losing 1-0 away at the Stadium of Shite. This made watching Forest at home to Villa a slightly less stressful viewing. I would have been happy with a draw, but also had the fallback that a defeat would still keep us two points ahead of #lolsours.

I’ve always rather liked Villa. It must be a Midlands thing. There’s never been a nasty streak in them - be it the fans or the players. Plus there’s the shared heritage of a Midlands club lifting the European Cup. Still - three points here would be most welcome.

In true Crap Match Report style, I forgot to log any notes of interest during the playback. I felt for Murillo with the OG. He looked a little clumsy, a little leggy. The guy needs some luck to end his season with.

Neco meanwhile was outstanding. It was disappointing to hear him being booed whilst playing for his country. He’s always welcome at the World Famous, especially when he has his shooting boots on, as was the case this afternoon.

Forest were half decent at home - that’s something that we’ve not been able to say in the PL for some time. I like our choice in goal - either Sels or Ortega are a safe pair of hands.

It was good to see Sangare back, bossing what is a very strong Villa midfield. I thought Anderson was a little anonymous, as was MGW.

Jesus ran his bollocks off, Birtles style. The switch to two strikers was unexpected. Woody didn’t really get a look in. But at least he gets another thirty minutes or so of running off the injury.

And so we finish the first game back after the silly international break with a three point cushion between us and #lolspurs. West Ham look to be on the up. I hope that Leeds fall apart, again, on Monday night.

SHOUT OUT the Forest fans, who kept the faith throughout this afternoon.

The team new landed. Chris Wood. Blimey. I wasn’t expecting that. I doubt if the Porto boss was either. Forest have clearly lacked goals this season. Goals win you games, obvs. It wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to imagine a world where Wood had continued to score for fun this season, and Forest are sitting pretty in the top ten of the Premier League. Hey hoe.

Also of interest in the team news was TWO Forest Academy players starting in the quarter-final of a major European competition. This is a statement that would have sounded bonkers only five years ago, as Chris Houghton started off the Championship season with the worst record in Forest’s history. Not only was Zach Abbott wearing the Garibaldi in a back five, but Ryan Yates was also Captaining Forest in European quarter-final. These things matter.

I listened to the two hour pre-match build up on BBC Radio Nottingham. Sir Colin of West Bridgford and the team do these occasions so well. It’s hard work panning out two hours of pre-match, without going into hype mode. The BBC got the balance just about right. I was all set to sync up the TNT telly pics with the radio, and then I realised that Fletch was on comms. I’ll have a bit of that. LIVE the Dream, Fletch.

KO came. The first minute was a little, erm, hairy. Christ, we could have been 1-0 down before we even got going. The three centre backs were split wide open. This was static defending, with three players that looked like they had just met each other in the tunnel. Steady the buffers. The Serbinator was clearly missed.

The inevitable Porto game came. Whoops. Time to for a re-think, time to hold your nerve. There wasn’t time for a Forest Plan B to be formed. The poor Porto fella scored the Goal of the Season a minute or so later. It was just a shame for him that it was in his own net.

Forest looked stronger at 1-1. They found their shape, and set up frustrating Porto. The atmosphere in the stadium came across on the telly as being intimidating. Some of the younger Forest players handled this well. Morato still had me with my head in my hands on more than one occasion. He is only one mistake away from implosion.

The second half was a lot calmer. I didn’t even need to reach for the BOOZE. I sat back, sipping away on my cups of tea as Forest killed off the game. This was a near perfect away performance in Europe. Ortega in goal was immense. He didn’t panic, and kept Forest in the tie.

An away draw at Porto is an outstanding result. It was all the more sweeter with most of the big hitters being rested, no injuries and no bookings. The return leg at the World Famous next week promises to be something special.

#lolspurs away, pyrotechnics for the home team’s arrival - what’s wrong with players driving themselves to the ground? - and both teams still in deep, deep shit. I didn’t buy into the pre-match narrative of win - stay up, lose and the Championship awaits. But still.

The game kicked off as though it was a local derby. Christ, that was intense. Just imagine what Captain Chaos Taiwo could do in such situations. I don’t want to talk about relegation, but what a weapon T would be in the division below.

Spurs are a nasty, petulant bunch of whingeing pros. Their game tactics seemed to be to play for a penalty each time they entered the opposition’s box. It was embarrassing. They deserve to be relegated, along with their Fancy Dan supporters.

First blood went to Forest. Jesus Christ etc. It was a fantastic header from Igor. Vitor mentioned in his post-match BBC interview that they had been working on this since arriving back from Denmark. Jesus may have a crappy goal celebration, but I’d like to see it a lot more of this during the run in.

The #lolspurs crowd started to turn early in the second half. The Forest fans were as fantastic as ever - especially after MGW fired home a second. The hand in the ears celebration is always classy. At the end of the day, we always win, etc.

Oh hang on - here comes Captain Chaos. Taiwo couldn’t, could he? Bloody hell. He somehow got on the end of Neco’s cross and managed to bundle the ball home. His goals are either Goal of the Season contenders, or hit and hope. I’ll take anything right now.

SHOUT OUT to Sels in the middle of our goal. He clearly wanted a clean sheet, even with a 3-0 lead and only minutes remaining. Even a solitary goal would have given Spurs a little extra boost at home as we head into the run in.

And so Forest can’t score goals, right? Erm… With Chris Wood sniffing around after the international break, we might just pull this one off again.

Sacked in the morning, etc.

And yep - I never have forgiven Spurs for the 1991 FA Cup Final.

THIRTY years to the day since Forest last exited a European competition at the hands of Bayern Munich in the UEFA Cup quarter-final, and we’re back on the big stage. Make the most of what you’ve got. I doubt if I will be around in 2056, should we be given this opportunity once again.

The task in hand was tough: overcome a 1-0 home deficit by a bastard of a team that has already bullied us TWICE at the World Famous this season. Factor in that Forest are balls deep in a PL relegation scrap, and you can see why I didn’t hold out much hope.

I was shit scared when the starting line up was announced. Oh, I see. We’re sacking off Europe, then. This was understandable. I’d gladly swap three points away at #lolspurs on Sunday, if it meant saying farewell to Europe. But still - a midweek European fixture, under the lights, Two Stars on the Badge, etc.

A strong ref was needed. The Slovakian fella from last week seemed to be reffing by guesswork. Midtjylland are absolute beasts. We needed the calls to go in our favour if Forest weren’t to be battered away on the road once again. Thankfully German referee Felix Zwayer was up to the job.

The first half was fantastic. Forest could easily have been 5-0 up - quite something for a team that can’t score goals this season. But we weren’t 5-0 up at HT, showing that yep, we can’t score goals… I was a little alarmed at the ease in which the Midtjylland wide player was able to skip past Bakwa.

And then finally a goal! Dominguez’s superb header was one for the away fans. Christ, they have suffered on their travels throughout the season. The scores on the Danish doors at HT was all square, with three quarters of the two-legged tie having been played.

Time for Heroes; time for Ryan Yates.

Forest seem to have finally landed on the European League dream team of a squad. We were told at the start of the season that we would have two teams - one to challenge in the PL, and the other that would provide capable back up in Europe. It’s only taken seven months to reach this point.

Come back Edu? Erm, no ta.

Cometh the hour, cometh the Captain. GO ON, Yatesy, have a swing.

SHIT THE BED. Where the chuff did that one come from? On his left foot as well. Le Tissier would have been proud of such a strike.

Now what?

Defend! Defend!

DEFEND! DEFEND! DEFEND!

It was also time for the Big Dawgs to make an appearance and shore up the scoreline. But this somehow changed the whole pace of the game. Midtjylland found it easier to play against our A team than the stiffs.

The inevitable home goal happened. Extra time was needed. Arse. This is exactly what Forest didn’t want with #lolspurs coming up. It would be SO Forest to play the extra 30 minutes, go to pens, and then… lose.

And so here we go. A penalty shoot out to see if Forest can make it the quarter finals of a major European competition. We’ve come a long way since the toxic days of Chris Houghton and being bottom of the Championship.

MGW was magnificent. He even managed to channel a bit of Psycho with the celebrations. Midtjylland were bloody awful. The magic post helped Forest out big time. The third swing and a miss channeled poor old Chris Waddle.

Bloody hell. We’re through. I wasn’t expecting that. We’ve finally got one over on Midtjylland. That seemed unlikely back in those dark, dark days of Ange the Clown.

What a campaign!

We couldn’t, could we?

I hope anybody’s not stupid enough to write us off, etc.

Tense. VERY tense.

ffs - this is only poxy Fulham at home - a club, less we forget, that once erected a statue of Michael Jackson in their car park. I haven’t felt this nervous watching Forest since the Sheffield United play-off semi.

The Big Fat Greek had kindly forked out for a new scarf for every Forest fan in the ground. Which was, erm, nice. There’s the danger here that we become a freebie happy clapper club like L******er. No ta.

I’m just starting to like the pinstripes of this season. It’s a shame that we’re likely to get relegated - again - wearing them. Some kits hold strong associations with you. Fix up, look sharp, don’t be shit, etc.

Marco Silva rocked up at the World Famous looking very comfortable in the away dug out. It’s going to take something more than freebie scarves being waved to convince him to come in the summer months. Premier League status would certainly help.

The crowd was behind Forest for the first fifteen minutes or so. I just couldn’t see what the plan was to actually score a goal. Some long punts upfield suggested playing it direct. But then Jesus isn’t exactly a target man.

Both teams looked like they were huffing and puffing, desperate for the season to end. At times it was like watching a dull Championship match. Careful what you wish for…

One of the biggest cheers came when Taiwo came on. That pretty much sums up our season, raising the roof for a forward who has scored one goal in two seasons.

Finally Ndoye did something decent. His finish was great. Oh, wait. Fuck VAR.

Subbing MGW for Yates was real head scratcher. So we’re playing for the point here, right? There was no urgency in the game. It was as if the Forest players aren’t actually aware of the deep shit we’re in.

And so a 0-0 draw and another blank at home. The stats are bloody horrid. We’ve scored only 13 goals in 15 PL games. Only one goal has been scored out of the past 99 shots. Chris Wood was the last forward to score at home for Forest.

That beautiful Brentford victory at the start of the season feels like a result from a different era. I half expect it crop up one of those Insta feeds, celebrating past glories from decades gone by.

Why did the Forest players leave the pitch smiling?

Just end this horrid, horrid season now.