Hey! Want to see a one-man-band transporting half the contents of his home garden over to the bloody allotment? Good news! Especially if you were anywhere around the mean streets of CO7 on Friday lunchtime.
Domestic issues back at vase has meant we need to offload some of the garden shit ASAP. Aha, I know - we rather handily have an allotment plot where a lot of this shit can be dumped.
Maybe I should paraphrase that. Yep, I have carefully read the T’s and C’s of the Town Council lease regarding the allotment. I can confirm that I am not dumping fridge freezers, food scraps, or even a dodgy old porno collection.
We’re talking the odd brick here and there to support the allotment verges, plus what we salvaged from a decking that has been ripped up. These will serve as useful planks for navigating from the strawberries to the courgettes to the sweet corn, etc.
A pair of wheels were sourced. We opted for a folding trolley to make the short 10-15 minute journey back and forth.
The test drive went very smoothly. I urged caution, as ever in my life, and didn’t overload it. Job’s a good ‘un.
I reached the allotment from the other side of the fence. I could see that Cricket Week at the cricket club was in full swing. The marquee is standing and looking rather proud ahead of President’s Day on Saturday. A game of cricket was also taking place throughout Friday afternoon.
I had a quick look around the patch before my second trip with my new trolley. The pumpkins are ripening rather well. The poppy weeds have dried off. The allotment is now lacking a little colour without those wonderful early summer red poppy flowers.
This will soon change with the tomatoes. SHIT THE BED, we have bloody loads of them. Some are red, some are of the yellow variety. It’s going to look like an organic psychedelic disco once they hit their peak.
Unfortunately the raspberry canes are not looking quite as healthy. They haven’t died off but they have yet to produce any produce. This is a shame as back at base we had raspberries growing out of our arses. This was one of the reasons for the much-needed garden redesign.
And then we come to the courgettes. OH MY DAYS. These are also going to be another bumper crop this year. I have looked at the possible options of selling these online. I don’t think I will get to be the Courgette King of CO7 before Christmas.
The first trip with the new trolley was a success. I turned around, headed back to base, loaded up the trolley, and then did it all over again.
I was a little more reckless on my second visit. Half a dozen planks of decking were transported. The trolley swayed from side to side as though it had enjoyed a lunchtime tipple too many. The 10–15 minute journey became 25 minutes.
The allotment was reached, the cricket game was still taking place, and the bloody raspberries had still yet to grow.
Allotment life, innit.
